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Got my first 1.0 at university - YES! In the seminar talk on monday. Strange things happen... I guess it went alright.

Now there is only one talk left for this semster (coming up next week). Then I can relax... uhm, nope. Wish I could. Then I will have to fully concentrate on my group works and seminar papers...

Anyway. Today I was wondering about how I will think as a teacher in a couple of years. Right now I have the feelings in my seminars with other wanting-to-be-a-teacher-students that we're idealizing the way we will teach one day. Our goals are way up high and there are a lot of critics towards the situation how it is today. Will we be able to change that?? I think if you want to be a teacher you HAVE to have something of that "want-to-change-something-in-the-world" attitude. A portion of idealism. But who knows how long it will last...
1.6.05 21:02


Starting in two weeks I will be giving lessons in a school. But just once a week for a couple of hours, for students with problems in math (grade 7/8). It will be interesting, because it's an integrated school, meaning there are all three levels of schools in one school. German school system... That's another topic. What sense does it make to divide up students already after grade 4 into three different levels? But as I said, that's another topic.
But at least I got a job...
Time is flying by like crazy these days. Whoops, another week has passed. And another one. And another one. All of a sudden I'm already done will all my seminar talks. But now the next task is to finish off all the projects I'm in, the deadlines are coming closer.. A never-ending story.
8.6.05 10:57


Got a call tonight asking whether I could jump in on Saturday (like in two days) for leading a workshop for students interested in maths. And I agreed! Never thought I could be that spontaneous.
The guy usually leading the workshop is lying in bed with a fever. The thing is - I've never even helped out at one of these workshops. I've heard about them because my roommate is helping out there every once in a while. And now I will be the person IN CHARGE! But I like these kind of challenges. I think it's a good opportunity for me. And it won't be that hard I think, I have to give a half hour introduction, then the students will be working on problems for the rest of the four hours, and I will help them if needed. Nevertheless I'm a bit nervous. It's in a different town, I've never seen the room where it will take place, never participated in a workshop like that, was never in the leading position of a workshop... Will be interesting.
And to top it of, I don't really have the time right now. Today we kicked out a guy from our group work because he didn't show up during the last four weeks. This means dividing the workload of four onto three. Aah.
But I will survive...
9.6.05 23:20

The air is out

Some phrases just don't translate, but I'm too tired to think of something better as a heading because this line describes best what I feel like right now: "Die Luft ist raus". Burnt out you could say in english maybe.
The workshop on saturday went really well, once again I was nervous for no reason. The students were nice and it wasn't too much work. Nevertheless that time was missing in my weekend, didn't get a lot of other stuff done those days.
Now I'm going through a "null-bock" period. (Again, german describes my feelings better...) I actually skipped a class today (which honestly hasn't happened in a long time) in order to be able to finish a paper that I had to hand in today... Aaah, lazy times. But I just don't feel like doing anything useful.

And on Monday we got a message that our apartment will be sold. Meaning we will have to move out. Great. I had just decided for myself that I would like to stay in this room until the end of my studies (which will be May next year). And now this. Today the soon-to-be-new-owner came by and talked with us about whats going to happen and stuff. And she proposed that I could stay a few more months here in my room, while she is already moving into the other rooms of the apartments. Which is actually nice, but I just don't trust it. Would you want someone living in YOUR apartment, when you just bought it?
15.6.05 21:28


I'm still looking for a room and it's driving me nuts. Somehow I just can't picture myself moving out of my beloved apartment. I really enjoy living here, I don't want to move! But we live in a world where money counts more than anything else. So poor little Cloudy has to give in.

I wish I could do more than one task at the same time. Right now I should be programming for my two projects (one deadline is already next week!), writing a seminar paper, doing an exercise in communication networks, preparing the first lesson I'm holding on thursday (the job that I got in the school) and a couple of more things on my red to-do-list. And instead I'm gonna go to bed. Because I have to get up at 6.30 am tomorrow. As usual.
But honestly, I wish I COULD at least program two things at the same time, because I'm really enjoying the projects and I'm learning a lot. Finally programming won't be one of my weaknesses as a computer science teacher, as I always thought. Ok, I'm far from being a programming specialist, but at least I feel confident now, that I can tackle some tasks.

On Sunday I experienced the consequences of drinking weird colored alcoholic beverages combined with a lot of weird colored candy, chocolate cake and other junk food. There was a "color party" on saturday, everyone had to dress up in a predefined color and bring some food or drink in that color. My color was red. I have to admit that I had a really fun time there - even though most of the people there were math students.. But the day after was really awful, haven't felt like that in a looong time. I spent almost the whole day in bed, though there was perfect weather outside..

I better get going to bed now. Good night.
22.6.05 23:17

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